Into the world of video....

So, this video was out of my comfort zone. Way out! But...I felt like I had an opportunity to share what God has taught me. They had to cut quite a bit of the video, so I typed up some of what was cut so you can read the other things I mentioned.

Click here to watch the video

I had everything planned out. I was going to meet my husband in college, get married the weekend after graduation, and promptly begin serving in ministry alongside my husband. We would eventually buy a house and fill it with treasures I found at thrift stores and paint the inside with vibrant colors, carefully picked out after staring at paint swatches at Home Depot. I never wanted a career or ever dreamed about supporting myself financially. I was going to get a job of course, but I would be able to do anything I wanted because my husband was going to have a full time job with benefits.

I am now 32 and have never been kissed. I remember turning “sweet 16 and never been kissed.” It was cute then. “32 and never been kissed” sounds….pathetic?

I began to panic. I had no idea how I was going to support myself for the rest of my life with a degree that I randomly picked in the first place and never intended to have to use. But, with each year ticking by, my dreams slipped away and the plan imploded. I felt left behind. No one seemed to want to pick me, and I was devastated. I believed so many lies about married; I thought a wedding ring it would create the contentment and happiness that I longed for.

Year after year I crocheted countless afghans as wedding gifts. I kept thinking, when was it going to be my turn? At 32, I still live in an apartment with hand-me-down miss-matched silverware, and I have to watch 22-year-olds registering for Bed Bath and Beyond in preparation for their dream kitchen full of brand new free gadgets.

Eventually I got to the point where I was just plain jealous all the time. I was tired of being so miserable, but I didn't really know what to do about it. I asked God for years to help me learn contentment, but all the asking didn't seem to make much difference. I knew theoretically that my contentment had to be found in Christ, rather than my circumstances. But, that kind of maturity seemed impossible. After all, how do you stop wanting something that you want

Growing up, one of my favorite books was The Hiding Place, which told the story of Corrie Ten Boom and her family when they were sent to Nazi Concentration camps. Corrie's bunk was infested with fleas, and when her sister suggested they thank God for the fleas, she thought it a crazy notion. How could you be thankful for something you hate? But, Corrie's sister insisted, and they thanked God for the fleas. They came to realize that the officers wouldn't enter their bunk houses because of the fleas, and as a result, Corrie and her sister had a safe place to share the Gospel with their fellow inmates. I was determined to use Corrie as an example, and committed one day to be thankful for being single at every chance I could, even if I didn't really mean it, or see the rationale behind saying it.

For a few years I developed a habit of thankfulness; I was intentional about thanking God for being single, even though my heart wasn't in it. It was a long time before I really felt any difference. Then, out of nowhere, I had a breakthrough. I was renting a room in a women's house, and I couldn't stand the way she organized her kitchen. First of all, she put the silverware in the "wrong" drawer. She insisted on cramming the cupboards full of dishes, and every time I opened a cupboard, I was afraid that glass cups would come crashing down on my head. As was my habit, one day I stopped to thank God for being single and needing to rent from this woman. Then, I had this thought. What if I got married someday, and my husband wanted to put the silverware in the "wrong" drawer? What a nightmare! I would have to live with him for the rest of my life! I was able to utter, with all my heart, "Thank you Lord that I'm single and after I move out of this women's house can set up my kitchen correctly." And for just a moment, I became truly grateful for being single. My heart had finally caught up with my head.

When I was a teenage in the mid-90's, there was a popular trend in churches called "true love waits." I, like most of my friends, pledged to wait for marriage. My parents bought me this ring as a symbol of that commitment, and I wore it for years. Eventually, however, the concept of "true love WAITS" began to irk me. While I fully support the concept of abstinence, the word "wait" drove me nuts. To me, it implied that my goal in life was to sit around and wait for my husband to show up. I realized that I could waste a lot of years with that attitude, and that I had a responsibly to serve God with my singleness. I eventually replaced the ring with the a wedding band I inherited when my grandma passed away. No matter if I ever got a diamond for this finger, I know that I am already married. Even if I get married on earth, I won't be married in Heaven. However, I will always be the bride of Christ, and I have been a bride since I asked Him into my heart at age 5. He is my permanent redeemer and the love of my life. Contentment in Christ means is assurance that I'm not pathetic. In truth, I'm a cherished bride.

Check out this article on living in the moment!

Life Won’t Begin at Your Next Milestone http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/life-won%E2%80%99t-begin-your-next-milestone

Amazing article on singleness

Check out this amazing online article on how the church can relate to singles. I was very impressed! http://www.christenacleveland.com/2013/12/singled-out/

I did not register for the gift of singleness.

I must admit, I get pretty jealous of engaged women who get to register for their wedding. Why are single women relegated to hand me downs and left overs? How come I had to set up my apartment from scratch with little help from others? I want to walk around Target with that gun thing and pick out things I want. But....that's not going to happen anytime soon. So, instead, I watch funny and meaningful youtube clips like this one. Good stuff!

Stuff Christians like....

I have recently stumbled on the website Stuff Christians Like. It's an incredibly funny satire on Christian culture!! I found his insights on singleness and church quite interesting. Check it out, along with the rest of the list.

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2009/06/550-surviving-church-as-a-single/

Found an awesome website on relationships!!

Check out this great website!! Joy Eggerichs works for her parents, who have a great marriage ministry. Joy decided to branch off and create a ministry to help singles and people in relationships to try to help them figure things out before they get married.

http://loveandrespectnow.com/2011/08/who-pursues-part-1/

Gift of Singleness?

I met a man this weekend who has recently gotten married in his late 20's. We were talking about the challenges of finding your place in church as a single person. At the end of our conversation, he made a comment that I've heard a hundred times in various formations, "Don't worry. God will bring along just the right man for you in the right time." I smiled, as I always do. I often quickly change the subject because I get frustrated when people automatically assume I'm going to get married some day. This time, however, I decided to add, "Well, we'll see. I think that God has perhaps given me the gift of singleness." His eye popped out of his head! "Really???" he said. He seemed totally shocked that I would say such a thing, especially without bursting into tears at the very idea! It was almost funny. I told him that I really have no idea if I'll ever get married; that I want to, but only if it's God's best for me and that He might prefer to use me as a single woman. He seemed quite disoriented by this reply. Of course, most people who spend time in the church are aware of "the gift of singleness," but he still seemed so shocked by my statement; either because he hasn't met many people who say something like that, or he can't believe I'm ok with it! Anyway, I wonder if anyone else has ever had a conversation like this. I've had numerous conversations with my single gals about how often we are asked about our love lives and told with reassurance to, "just hang in there." But, I'm curious to hear how some of you handle the response to that question. It's easiest to just smile and nod, as I often do, but sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like I need to teach these people!