Church

Here are some thoughts about singleness and church. I'd love to hear more ideas about how to handle these kinds of circumstances. Also, how has your experience been trying to find your place in church? Has it been better, worse, or different than mine?

I’ve lived all over the country, and I’ve found one common denominator: churches rarely have a clue what to do with a person who is single and 30. We often get relegated to the college group, get thrown in a small group with all married people or placed in a small group with singles I would put in the “still single because they are socially awkward” group. I’ve also been to singles groups that seem like nothing more than a giant matchmaking factory. If you’ve had a better experience, thank your lucky stars!

I’ve also found that church can be difficult because it seems like 99.9 percent of the sermons that have to do with relationships are about family, marriage, parenting, etc. When was the last time you heard a great sermon about how to thrive as a single woman of God? Jerusha Clark, author of Every Thought Captive, agrees. “Sermon illustrations limited to families and couples, as well as the segregation of singles to a group where – though it’s not supposed to be the goal - they can meet one another and finally get married, do not help in this regard” (Clark, 116).

So, what can you do about it? There is no one-size-fits-all solution. There have been times when I’ve had to be the one to do something about it. I’ve spent time talking to senior pastors about my concerns about not hearing sermons on singleness. I started a singles Bible study at one church that really did focus on studying the Bible! I admit, I’m the kind of person that likes to initiate change. If that’s not your bent, my suggestion is to find someone else at the church who loves to take charge. I’m a great starter and idea person, but I’m not so great with details and follow-through. If you’re good with the small stuff and organization, people like me desperately need people like you to help get projects, goals and ideas off the ground.

If you love your church but just can’t find any single people you’d like to hang out with there, my suggestion is to find another church that doesn’t mind you tagging along to some of their events, Bible studies, etc. I’ve often attended the Sunday services at one church and the Wednesday night Bible study at another. It may not be optimal, but it can be a great way to meet new people and gain a broader perspective of your city. Check out this amazing article on helping singles in a church setting: http://lindseysthoughts.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/6-ways-to-love-single-women-in-your-church/