Stuff Christians like....

I have recently stumbled on the website Stuff Christians Like. It's an incredibly funny satire on Christian culture!! I found his insights on singleness and church quite interesting. Check it out, along with the rest of the list.

http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2009/06/550-surviving-church-as-a-single/

Found an awesome website on relationships!!

Check out this great website!! Joy Eggerichs works for her parents, who have a great marriage ministry. Joy decided to branch off and create a ministry to help singles and people in relationships to try to help them figure things out before they get married.

http://loveandrespectnow.com/2011/08/who-pursues-part-1/

Gift of Singleness?

I met a man this weekend who has recently gotten married in his late 20's. We were talking about the challenges of finding your place in church as a single person. At the end of our conversation, he made a comment that I've heard a hundred times in various formations, "Don't worry. God will bring along just the right man for you in the right time." I smiled, as I always do. I often quickly change the subject because I get frustrated when people automatically assume I'm going to get married some day. This time, however, I decided to add, "Well, we'll see. I think that God has perhaps given me the gift of singleness." His eye popped out of his head! "Really???" he said. He seemed totally shocked that I would say such a thing, especially without bursting into tears at the very idea! It was almost funny. I told him that I really have no idea if I'll ever get married; that I want to, but only if it's God's best for me and that He might prefer to use me as a single woman. He seemed quite disoriented by this reply. Of course, most people who spend time in the church are aware of "the gift of singleness," but he still seemed so shocked by my statement; either because he hasn't met many people who say something like that, or he can't believe I'm ok with it! Anyway, I wonder if anyone else has ever had a conversation like this. I've had numerous conversations with my single gals about how often we are asked about our love lives and told with reassurance to, "just hang in there." But, I'm curious to hear how some of you handle the response to that question. It's easiest to just smile and nod, as I often do, but sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like I need to teach these people!

Quote on Lonliness

I found this great quote in Wendy Widder's book, Living Whole Without a Better Half:


“Like Moses, I am never alone, regardless of how I may feel. I have a friend who argues with me, ‘But I can’t see God.’ She’s right about that, but she’s wrong to think that not seeing God somehow limits the comfort He can bring. The comfort comes when I choose to see Him. Evidence of His presence surrounds me, even in the hardest of times. I am lonely when I ignore it” (Widder, pg 81).

Book recommendation

About the same I started this blog, I began reading every book I could find on singleness from a Christian perspective; I wanted to know what was already out there. I've probably read close to 15 books by now. Some of them were just good, some great. But, my favorite by far is the one I've read most recently. Wendy Widder has written several books on the topic of singleness, including a book on singles and the church that I can't wait to read! The book I've just finished is Living Whole Without a Better Half. First of all, the title struck me. It's simple but clear. Each chapter looks at a character in Scripture and relates particular experiences in their lives to aspects of being single. Like the title, her writing is simple and clear; no muss, no fuss, just truth. Here's a quote I read today:

“Pain puts us in a vulnerable position before God, allowing us to know Him in more intimate ways. It opens the door for personal growth and character shaping. All of those are desired outcomes of my life, and I hope for your life, too. I don’t like the route that’s required to get there, but I wouldn’t trade the results. Pain, however, doesn’t automatically produce spiritual growth in my life. It’s not a pill I swallow and wait for the healing to begin. Painful circumstances place me at the point of decision. I can choose to fight my way through God’s pain, writhing and straining at every turn of events, or I can choose to submit to His divine direction” (Widder, pg. 50).

After I was only a few chapters in, I wanted to learn more about Wendy. She wrote the book over 10 years ago, and I was curious to see if she was still single (she still is and is in her mid 40's). I was astounded to learn that she is an adjunct professor at Cornerstone University where I worked for almost 4 years and got my master's degree! What a small world. I wrote her a note, informing her of our connection, and she wrote a very kind note in response. :)

Singles and Married - how to make it work

A recently married friend of mine and I were talking last week about the challenge when 1 single gal in a group of singles starts dating and then gets married. More often than not, the newly dating gal drops off the face of the earth and the relationship with her single friends is never the same. It's hard for me to admit, but when a women gets married, her single gal friends shouldn't be her priority anymore! However, there is most definitely a feeling of being left behind. Even if we are really happy for our friend in the relationship, we miss her! So....single people and married people....balance is obviously key, but what does that actually look like in real life? A wife needs to be devoted to her husband first, but it doesn't mean she doesn't need female relationships, even with us single gals!

What recommendations do you have for single women who feel left behind? What recommendations do you have for married women on how they can still maintain friendships outside of marriage?

Also....
Single gals: What do you wish married women knew/remembered about what it's like to be singe?
Married women: What do you wish single women knew about what it's like to be married?

Loneliness

I know being single doesn't always mean you have a ton of time on your hands, but I do find that I struggle with loneliness when I don't have much going on. Long ago I created a list of things I can do by myself that are either free or fairly cheap. What other ideas do you have?

1. Sew
2. Crochet
3. Read
4. Journal
5. Pray
6. Read God’s Word
7. Take a walk
8. Go to the library
9. Bake
10. Take pictures around town
11. Watch a movie
12. Go to a thrift store/flea market
13. Learn something new
14. Make jewelry
15. Write an encouragement note and mail it with an actual stamp!

It doesn't really help...

I'm curious: What have you heard married people tell you that didn't really help/make you feel better?

My least favorite is this: It was when I finally became content with being single that God brought my husband into my life. If you can just learn contentment too then you’ll meet your husband.

I also hate it when people tell me they know that I'll get married some day. No they don't know that! Sometimes I feel more content about me being single than married people do. They have a hard time imagining that I'm ok!

Church

Here are some thoughts about singleness and church. I'd love to hear more ideas about how to handle these kinds of circumstances. Also, how has your experience been trying to find your place in church? Has it been better, worse, or different than mine?

I’ve lived all over the country, and I’ve found one common denominator: churches rarely have a clue what to do with a person who is single and 30. We often get relegated to the college group, get thrown in a small group with all married people or placed in a small group with singles I would put in the “still single because they are socially awkward” group. I’ve also been to singles groups that seem like nothing more than a giant matchmaking factory. If you’ve had a better experience, thank your lucky stars!

I’ve also found that church can be difficult because it seems like 99.9 percent of the sermons that have to do with relationships are about family, marriage, parenting, etc. When was the last time you heard a great sermon about how to thrive as a single woman of God? Jerusha Clark, author of Every Thought Captive, agrees. “Sermon illustrations limited to families and couples, as well as the segregation of singles to a group where – though it’s not supposed to be the goal - they can meet one another and finally get married, do not help in this regard” (Clark, 116).

So, what can you do about it? There is no one-size-fits-all solution. There have been times when I’ve had to be the one to do something about it. I’ve spent time talking to senior pastors about my concerns about not hearing sermons on singleness. I started a singles Bible study at one church that really did focus on studying the Bible! I admit, I’m the kind of person that likes to initiate change. If that’s not your bent, my suggestion is to find someone else at the church who loves to take charge. I’m a great starter and idea person, but I’m not so great with details and follow-through. If you’re good with the small stuff and organization, people like me desperately need people like you to help get projects, goals and ideas off the ground.

If you love your church but just can’t find any single people you’d like to hang out with there, my suggestion is to find another church that doesn’t mind you tagging along to some of their events, Bible studies, etc. I’ve often attended the Sunday services at one church and the Wednesday night Bible study at another. It may not be optimal, but it can be a great way to meet new people and gain a broader perspective of your city. Check out this amazing article on helping singles in a church setting: http://lindseysthoughts.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/6-ways-to-love-single-women-in-your-church/

Lies we believe

Hey everyone! I'm trying to gather a list of lies that women believe about themselves and about marriage. I've included the list I've come up with, but as I've said before, I can only see this through my lens, and I need to know what other people think too. Also, if you have any thoughts on these issues, pleas share; it will be really helpful as I put together workshops on some of the topics. Thanks for your help!

My husband will always be there to listen to me
My husband will complete me
My husband will make me happy
My problems will go away when I get married
I’ll be able to have the exact number of kids at the perfect time once I do get married.
I’m not worthy/pretty/thin/smart/interesting enough for a guy to be interested in me.
There’s no one good left/No one is good enough for me
There is sin in my life that God wants me to work through before I can get married.
I don’t have worth outside of a relationship.

 

Housing

I'm collecting a list of pros and cons for either renting an apartment, buying a house or renting a room. (From the perspective of a single gal.) Any suggestions would be welcomed!

Thanks for your input so far!

Mega Potluck

I tend to fix the same meals all the time and get really bored with my food. My recommendation for this is to have a mega potluck. Invite a few other gals over and have everyone bring a main dish to share. Everyone should bring leftover containers with them to the potluck. Then, fill up your containers with each other’s meals. You’ll get a much wider variety of foods to eat in the upcoming week instead of having to eat the same casserole for 6 days in a row, and you might try something yummy and new! Be sure to bring the recipe to share with everyone so they can make it on their own.

books

Has anyone read any of these books?

Singles at the Crossroads: A Fresh Perspective on Christian Singleness by Albert Y. Hsu

Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life by Barry Danylak and John Piper

Sacred Singleness: The Set-Apart Girl's Guide to Purpose and Fulfillment by Leslie Ludy

If Singleness Is a Gift, What's the Return Policy? by Holly Virden and Michelle McKinney Hammond

Money saving ideas

I know I'm posting a lot right now, but it's just because I have a lot to say at the beginning. I promise I won't post this often after I get going. Here are a few of my suggestions on how to live within a budget. I would WELCOME any more to add to the list. This is especially important for college students because they are POOR! I know it's a along list, but hang in there! I think there are some good ideas in there. If you have any websites/blogs, etc that would support any of these items, let me know!

1. Libraries are my best friends! They are free and unless you really live in the middle of nowhere, there should be one relatively close by. Most libraries have an interlibrary loan program, so even if you live in a small town, they can borrow from larger libraries. I get cookbooks, decorating books, movies, CDs, magazines and of course novels, biographies, books on CD, etc., at the library. It’s great, free entertainment! Also look to see if your library has community events or museums coupons. Many of them also offer programing right there at the library. It’s a fun way to meet people that love the same things you do!
2. Most grocery stores have reduced racks. These shelves have either almost expired food or containers that were damaged in route to the store. Frankly, I could care less if my cereal box is smooched on the bottom; it’s tastes the same but is half off! Most commonly you can find day of bread and pastries on these racks. I love to stop by the store on the way to a party or event and buy the half off goodies, knowing I’ll be using them that night. Buying produce this way is the biggest way that I save money. Fresh, healthy food like fruit can be very expensive, but I find a lot of ripe fruit on those racks. I enjoy buying lots of fruit and canning or freezing it. You might not have a ton of freezer space, but a friend or family member might. You can also use the fruit as a gift!
3. I know it can be very tempting to eat out when you’re single. If you enjoy cooking, then maybe you don’t mind being at home every night. But….I hate to cook, especially for just me! I wish I could eat out every night! My suggestion is to make a food budget for the week. If you want to eat out, that needs to be factored into the budget.
4. When you’re standing in the grocery isle with 17 different kinds of lunch meat, it can be a little overwhelming! Be sure to look out for the “Price Per Unit” on grocery items. The PPU will tell you how much something costs per ounce and you can easily find out what brand is actually cheapest. One thing that seems logical is to buy in bulk. This can be true; the price per unit cost is often cheaper. However, if you’re buying something like salad dressing that expires, you can often end up throwing a lot of it away! It’s better to buy a smaller bottle and not waste!
5. My favorite TV family is the Duggers. You might have seen them on TLC, or at least have heard of them! They are a Christian family with 19 kids. Goodness knows they have to live on a budget. Their motto is a simple one, and certainly nothing new, but I can’t stress how much money you will save if you “buy used and save the difference.”
6. Reduce electricity costs: remember to turn off lights, get a controllable thermostat, take shorter showers, use energy efficient light bulbs, spend hot summer days in free, cold places like the library so you can use their air conditioning!
7. Make homemade gifts, especially wedding and baby shower gifts.
8. Sell items you don’t use or need on ebay or have a garage sale. Be sure keep track of any items you donate to charity because that is tax deductible!
9. The 1 month rule: This isn’t always possible, but try to wait a month before a big purchase. You will have more time to comparison shop, pray about it, think about whether you really need it. It might also go on sale.
10. Repair clothes instead of buying new
11. Learn how to sew. There are more and more videos on youtube these days than help you learn! The tricky thing is; sewing isn’t always cheaper these days, but there are some things that are still cheaper to sew. A book I recommend is One Yard Wonder. It comes with patterns and all the projects use less than a yard of fabric. Look for sewing supplies like thread and zippers at thrift stores. This can help keep the cost way down!
12. I know this might be a jarring thing to your daily routine, but choosing to drink water the majority of the time will save a bundle!!!! It’s also so much better for you anyway.
13. I’m guilty of buying books like crazy!! If you’re looking for just anything, thrift stores really are the way to go. Most stores charge 50 cents to a dollar for a book. If you’re looking for something specific, check out www.paperbackswap.com.
14. Use cash or debit cards only.
15. Only buy what is on sale. Plan your meals around what is on sale at the grocery store.
16. Gift service instead of tangible items. Offer to mow your Dad’s lawn for father’s day or give your Mom a backrub. Offer to help someone put on a garage sale or clean out the attic. My Mom used to swap service with her friends all the time. She would paint her friend’s kitchen in exchange for her giving us kids swim lessons. Ask around and find out what your friends can do and have a service swap party where you can match people up together! You can even do something three ways, where person A helps person B who helps person C who helps person A. That way, everyone gets help with something, even if they aren’t helping the person who helps them.
17. Buy holiday items after the holiday. This is one of my biggest tips if you love to decorate! Most items go on sale for 50-80 percent off in the weeks following a holiday. It’s always fun to buy that stuff, immediately put it away and then have the fun of digging it out next year. Also, buy gifts year round. I have a drawer in my apartment filled with gifts. It's great because I have stuff on hand if I need something last minute, and I can buy things when they are on sale instead of last minute.
18. Start a garden
19. Carpool
20. Buy an entertainment coupon book
21. Don’t speed: you get better gas mileage (and you can avoid speeding tickets!)
22. Put coupons by the door: it will help you to remember then as you leave the house.
23. Use money envelopes. Put cash into various envelopes, like clothing, food, entertainment, etc. This will help you keep to your budget. When the money’s gone you can’t spend any more until the next month/paycheck.
24. Check brand websites for coupons. If there is something you use all the time, check out that product’s website. There are often free samples or coupons right on the website.
25. Have a coupon swap with friends. Bring all your coupons and trade!
26. Have a potluck party. Have everyone make a casserole or some dish to trade. Then, you don't have to eat the same leftovers for a week! Bring leftover containers with you to the party and load up!

Coupons

One of things that I want to talk about with the college students I interact with is money management. I have tons ideas about how to save money, but just to start, here are some of my favorite coupon websites:

www.ppgazette.com
www.smartsource.com
www.coolsavings.com
www.hotcouponworld.com
www.coupons.com
www.couponsurfer.com
www.organiccoupons.com


If you know of any websites on the topic of budgeting or money management, let me know so I can pass them on.

Cooking

I am no cook, but I'm trying to find things that reheat well.  It's hard to cook for just one person!  Here are a few meals/items that work well for a single gal.  Please let me know if you have any good ideas!!  I own a crock pot but have never used it.  I guess it's because I don't like to cook my veggies, meat and potatoes together.  I'm kinda still a kid and don't like all my food to touch.  Any suggestions?  Do I need to just get over this?

Banana Bread

Blend:                   1 cup sugar

                                ½ cup butter

                                dash salt

Add:                      3 large bananas (4 small)

                                2 eggs

Add:                      ½  cup boiling water

Combine and add:           1 t. baking soda

                                                2 t. baking powder

                                                2 cups flour

Grease and flour loaf pan.

Bake 350, 1 hour or until toothpick comes out clean.

Cool 10-15 min. before taking out of pan.

 

Cinnamon Rolls

3 ¾ cup warm water or milk                         1 T salt

2 T yeast                                                              6 T melted shortening

6 T sugar                                                              ~9 cups bread flour

Add and mix in order 1st five ingredients. Add 4 cups flour.

Slowly add and knead in the remaining flour for a soft dough.

Let rise until double (about an hour).

Divide dough in half or thirds and shape into crescent rolls

For cinnamon bread or cinnamon rolls:

Add melted butter, cinnamon, brown sugar

Bake 375, 10 min for rolls, 25-30 min for cinnamon bread or rolls.

 

Potato Soup

Simmer together for 20 minutes:

1 ½ cup water                                    ¼ cup finely chopped onion

4 cups diced potatoes                    2 chicken bouillon cubes

½ cup celery

Add and heat:   1 cup milk

Combine: 

1 cup sour cream

1 cup milk

1 T flour

Slowly add to soup. Do not boil.

Optional:  add 1 T chopped chives

A few good ideas!

My friend Diana came up with these topics!  Great ideas!

How to be truly happy for others with announcements of marriages and babies.

Dealing with family and friends who believe that because you're single you have so much extra time on your hands (so not true).

Holidays - especially if your family isn't close by.

Not letting being single stop you from doing what you want to do for example going out to eat and the movies

Here we go!

Despite my insistence that I'm not a writer, my mother claims I am!  I like to write, but I certainly enjoy talking a whole lot more!  I've blogged once before, when I went to Europe. That seems practical and purposeful.  This time around, I'm doing more of a project and I need your help!  I work at a Bible College and I want to start a woman's singleness ministry on campus.  I want these ladies to learn how to thrive as a single woman, instead of just surviving.  I know there's a million books on singleness, but I want to talk about the more practical side of being single.  What do you do when you're car dies on the side of road?  I currently need to hang curtains in my bedroom, but the ceiling is 12 feet tall.  How in the world do you get motivated to cook for one person!?  How do I get genuinely excited about buying another wedding present?

It was my Mom's idea to blog.  She asked me if I knew of any helpful blogs out there for single people, and although I didn't look really hard, I couldn't find any!  So, maybe this can be a helpful tool!??

Anyway, I've started this so I can get some ideas from you ladies.  I'll put a list of topics below, and if you have any suggestions of more topics or subtopics of the ones I've provided, I would be really grateful.  I have been single my entire life, but I still only know what it's like to be single from my perspective, and I'm sure I'm missing some big holes!  I know some of you are married, but I wanted to include a few women I know that didn't get married right out of college.  I'm sure you remember what it was like and have valuable insight!  If you know of anyone else that might be willing to contribute to this discussion, please invite them!  Thanks!!


Logistics of being single (like money, housing issues, cooking, etc)
Daydreaming
Contentment
Jealousy
Loneliness
Lies women believe about marriage
Lies women believe about themselves
What to do while you wait
What to look for in a husband
Recommended resources (books, websites, etc)